ULTRAMAN MONDAYS: The Ruffian from Outer Space

Every other Monday I review an episode from the classic Ultraman television series.



Episode 11: "The Ruffian from Outer Space" (catch up on past episodes) 
aka. "The Rambunctious One from Space"

Original Air Date: September 25, 1966

Featured Monster: Gyango

Synopsis 

In this comically surreal episode, a con artist terrorizes Japan with a monster he creates from a wish-fulfilling space rock that responds to people's thoughts.

Review

It's been too long since our last installment of Ultraman Mondays, but after an extended leave of absence required by family commitments, I'm back to bring you my thoughts on the crazy world of spandex superheroics and giant monsters destroying cardboard cities.

And, wouldn't you know it, this week's episode starts off with Hoshino and his friends recreating The Human Centipede.

The Human Centipede Jr.

Fortunately, their vaguely homoerotic game is interrupted when Hoshino spots something sparkling in the sky. As a defacto junior member of the Science Patrol who routinely encounters UFOs and monsters, he goes to investigate. The only unusual thing he and his friends fine, though, is a strange stone.

Cue the music to 2001: A Space Odyssey

You'd think a kid like Hoshino, who has stared death directly in the face on countless adventures, would know not to mess around with weird shit from the sky that's probably alien, but when his friends discover that the stone will turn into anything they want -- at least for a short time -- as long as they wish for it, he doesn't dissuade them from standing around in a circle and making it turn into race cars, cakes, pianos, and all sorts of other piddle and crap. Good thing this stone didn't turn out to be the egg of some parasitic space squid or something like that.

All Hail Drum Cake! Death to the unbelievers!

To his credit, Hoshino eventually turns the stone over to the Science Patrol for tests. During a press conference held in what looks from the bareness of the room and uncomfortableness of the yellow and red plastic chairs to be a grade six classroom, we learn that the space rock is a mineral with biological qualities, a living stone that responds to people's wishes via telepathy. Despite later admitting that the stone could be a terrible weapon in the wrong hands, the scientist at the head of the press conference gives a random newspaper man the chance to come up to the front and try it out. Jesus Christ! Talk about a security risk! What if the guy wished for an atomic bomb or a new strain of anthrax? Good thing the only thing on his fucked up, sex-starved mind was a wife -- which he gets for a brief moment before she transforms into a man with a mustache (his father?). Oh man, you have issues. Let's not even start to think about what the lonely, bored men and women of The Science Patrol got up to with that stone late at night when everyone else had left the office. All I'm saying is I hope the next person to pick it up washed his hands!

He's got he whole world, in his hands

Predictably, not everyone wants to use the stone to create cakes and subservient wives. Some men have grander ambitions. One man at the press conference conspires to steal the stone by sticking a speaker to the bottom of his desk so he can communicate with the stone once he leaves. Although the lead scientist at the press conference clearly stated that the stone only responds telepathically to someone within two meters from the stone, our villain is able to tell the stone to turn into a rocket and blast out of the research via the speaker while he waits outside in the car. It seems pointless to start picking apart Ultraman for plot holes now, but the whole heist seems needlessly complicated.

And what does a nefarious villain do with a space rock that can literally turn into anything he wants?

G'yuck!

 Well, since this is Ultraman, he conjures up Gyango: a ridiculous man-sized monster with a multicolored belly, metallic pincer hands, and rotating wind vanes protruding from its head like horns. Why? Boy, that beats me. The dude makes a big deal about how he'll be able to get millions of Yen with the stone, but without missing a beat he forgets that scheme and gets really excited about playing tricks on people. Thus ensues a bizarre montage of Gyango scaring workers at a hotel into pratfalls and dropping cakes on their own faces. My favorite part is when Gyango pops out of the pool when a photographer is taking shots of some synchronized swimmers. Who comes up with this stuff?

INVISIBLE CAMERA

Lest you think this episode is going to play out like a kaiju episode of the three stooges, the criminal gets way too excited and wishes for a giant Gyango to appear, and he does: promptly destroying the ENTIRE FUCKING HOTEL FROM WITHIN in an instant. A lot of people just died.

In a major suspension of disbelief, the criminal ends up comatose despite being at the epicenter of the building's implosion. Since he's unconscious, Gyango won't be able to be called off until his conjurer wakes up. Again, I'm pretty sure that the scientist back in act two told us pretty specifically that the telepathic link only works within a two meter radius. They could just move the criminal far away, no? No? Well, they are called The Science Patrol, not The Logic Patrol after all.

Peekaboo on an apocalyptic scale

Anyways, the rest of the episode is pretty bonkers. Gyango goes on a rampage of destruction, but the actor in the suit gives the monster a lot of character. Acting like a childish cartoon come to life, Gyango toys with the heat rays mobilized to take him down, and he bounces around like a court jester to disarm his enemies. Taking the Science Patrol by surprise, he manages to knock Hayata into the water, setting up a pretty cool scene where Hayata transforms into Ultraman and erupts out of the drink. Kapoosh!

Mom! Gyango just farted on me!

The ensuing fight is surreal and playful. Ultraman hops over Gyango in a frog leap. Gyango sits on Ultraman. Ultraman tickles Gyango. Yeah. You read that right. Even Gyango ends up in the water at one point. While Ultramn fucks around, he seems oblivious to the fact that his colour timer is warning that he'll soon run out of energy and die. I can't tell if Ultraman is simply toying with Gyango or if he genuinely is unable to defeat the child-like beast. Either way, Ultraman comes off looking like quite the boob. Thankfully, the criminal eventually wakes up in his hospital bed. Saving Ultraman from any further indignity, he makes Gyango disappear.

Okay guys, wrap it up already.

Thus ends the saga of the Ruffian from Outer Space. The cheesy Gyango costume and fragile miniature cityscape plus the thin plot is pretty laughable, but mostly in a fun ironic way. I can't say I was exactly thrilled by anything in this episode aside from the completely whack-a-doodle design of Gyango and his unique physical personality. Certainly one of the most childish episodes in this  kid-centric series, "The Ruffian from Outer Space" is a prime example of Ultraman's capacity for insane kaiju insanity.

"It was such a wonderful dream. And you were there. And you, and you, and you!"

Ultraman Mondays are back! We're on a bi-weekly schedule now, so come back in two weeks for the next installment: "Cry of the Mummy".

ULTRAMAN MONDAYS: The Mysterious Dinosaur Base

Every Monday I review an episode from the classic Ultraman television series.



Episode 10: "The Mysterious Dinosaur Base" (catch up on past episodes) 
Original Air Date: September 18, 1966

Featured Monster: Jirass

Synopsis 

A monster-obsessed scientist with a connection to Loch Ness unleashes a dangerous dinosaur beast from beneath Lake Kitayama.


Review

When one starts watching Japanese science fiction fantasy shows, one has to be prepared for a certain level of culture shock and weirdness. Ultraman is no exception, but this week's episode takes the cake as one of the most bizarre and nonsensical episodes yet. I had to watch "The Mysterious Dinosaur Base" twice -- once in Japanese with subtitles and once with the English dub -- just to understand what was going on, and I'm still not sure what to make of it. To make the episode even more surreal, this week's episode features a monster with an unmistakable and unavoidable resemblance to Japan's most famous giant monster.

Wardrobe Provided by Mad Scientist's Secret

The episode opens with a crazy, wild-haired scientist stalking around a cave-like menagerie. The walls are painted with cave drawings of dinosaur-like beasts and the room is decorated with taxidermy wildlife. The mad scientist, who we learn later is named Professor Nakamura, is busy talking to and feeding a number of live animals in cages as he mumbles away about going out to feed Jirass, some sort of giant beast under the surface of nearby Lake Kitayama.

Science Patrol Assemble!

Is there something in the water other than Jirass? Although the monster is a secret, it's become a public fact that all the fish in the lake are growing suspiciously large. As a result, the Science Patrol is called in to investigate. Unaware of the existence of Jirass, Arashi of the Science Patrol takes the submarine down to the bottom of the lake in search of anything suspicious. Just out of sight of the submarine's headlights, however, a tail slithers back into the rocks -- a very familiar-looking tail.

Any kaiju fan worth his salt will recognize this tell-tale tail

Since the Science Patrol failed to turn up anything at the bottom of the lake, Cap decides to give Hayata, Arashi, Ide some vacation time at the lake-side hotel so they can stay on site and enjoy all the slot car racing they can handle.

Will the luxury never end?

Meanwhile, a reporter named Kubo is doing a story about the Loch Ness monster, so she drives to Professor Nakamura's home to interview him because he's expert in monsters - "a man obsessed with dinosaurs." So far, the episode has been fairly standard for Ultraman, but now the weird elements begin to float to the surface. For one, Kubo -- a writer for a boy's magazine -- drives a car that's painted up like a monster with fins and a front grill full of sharp teeth. We only see this car in a few passing shots, and no explanation is given for the strange design. The strangeness continues into Kubo's interview with Nakamura. Nakamura gives his thoughts about the kind of creatures that might still exist in Loch Ness, and then he segues into an awkward story about a fellow scientist named Professor Nikaido who became lost during an expedition to Loch Ness and may have fallen into the Loch where he was eaten by the creature. The whole exchange ends when Nakamura steals a lighter from Kubo's photographer, dismantles it, and ejects them from his home. In both English and Japanese, it's a bizarre scene punctuated with eccentricities.

First, this crudely painted cave. Tomorrow, the world!

The train to crazy town hits the fast track when Ide, a member of the Science Patrol, takes Kubo on a night-fishing date. First of all, the editing for the rest of this episode is muddled and confusing. It's never clear where people are, how far away from each other they are, or how they get from one place to another. Second, Dr. Nakamura fully goes off the deep end. Ide and Kubo witness Nakamura paddling out to the lake, so they follow him (some how) to his cavernous base which is somewhere ambiguously close to the lake. The geography in this episode is screwed up, but it's suggested that the lake can be seen from a porthole in the cave that opens out of one of the cave painting's mouths. Nakamura takes Ide and Kubo hostage after they witness him feeding some giant monster under the lake although the monster itself has remained out of sight.

I shot the Sheriff, but I did not shoot the Ide

Another confusing cut takes us away from the base to a group of fishermen who are using poison in the lake to bring up a large catch of the giant fish (which, by the way, have not yet been explained). The poison aggravates the submerged beast, and we get to see our very first glimpse of the mysterious Jirass.

Kaiju Deja-vu

That is so clearly Godzilla that it's not even funny. The sudden appearance of what is undeniably a spray-painted Godzilla wearing a collar took me by surprise. Eji Tsuburaya left special effects at Toho to create Tsuburaya Productions, the production company behind Ultraman. He made extensive use of Toho's monster costumes (which he helped create) for Ultra Q and Ultraman by reusing them for new monsters. Reportedly, Baragon couldn't appear in the Godzilla feature Destroy All Monsters as planned in the script because the suit was on loan to Tsuburaya or too badly damaged from its use in Ultraman. However, the costumes repurposed for Ultraman were usually well-disguised. Jirass is so obviously Godzilla, an iconic children's hero by 1966, that I have to wonder if the lack of disguising features and the fate Jirass/Godzilla meets isn't some kind of statement from Eji Tsuburaya about Godzilla, his former creation, and Toho, his former employer.

Atomic breath is by no means only a Godzilla trait, but come on...

 The monster begins to go on a badly edited rampage (how did those fishermen end up in the water?), and his reign of terror is encouraged by Nakamura, who runs towards his monster, rambling on about how he has created Jirass with his own two hands so the world could marvel at its perfect features and perfect ferocity. Is Jirass a custom monster? Was he created atomically, thus the fish in the lake grew large due to radiation? Stop looking for answers. Nothing is much explained. In fact, when Cap questions Nakamura and demands to know why he would harbor such a dangerous monster, the answer is so out of left field it's' not even in the ball park anymore.

SURPRISE!

As it turns out, Nakamura is actually none other than the lost scientist Professor Nikaido. Why? Your guess is good as mine. Why would Nikaido choose not to refute stories of his death? Did he find something at Loch Ness? Is Jirass from Loch Ness? Where did Nikaido get such a realistic mask? What the fuck is going on? The plot holes are massive, but the episode races towards its climax without explanation. When Nikaido/Nakamura is trampled by the monster for which he professes so much love, it's time for Ultraman!

In 1966, hula hoops were much more complicated

 The Science Patrol manages to rescue Ide and Kubo from the professor's cave, but with a giant monster on the loose Hayata takes the opportunity to activate the Beta capsule and transform into his secret identity: the giant space superhero ULTRAMAN!

"GODZILLA" vs. Ultraman

 The fight that ensues is so out of character for Ultraman that I have to believe there's more going on in this episode than your standard monster fight. First, the battle begins with a round of showboating by both Jirass/Godzilla and Ultraman. Jirass/Godzilla picks up a rock, throws it into the air, and destroys it with his atomic breath. Ultraman picks up a larger rock and throws it into the air, destroying it in a bigger explosion with his specium ray.

My Ray is Bigger than Your Ray

Why are these two Tsuburaya creations starting with a show of strength rather than getting down to the standard monster fighting? I think Tsuburaya Productions took this episode as an opportunity to  self-promote at Toho's expense by showing that Ultraman (their newest creation) was stronger than Godzilla (Tsuburaya's creation for Toho). In the kaiju equivalent of "my dick is bigger than your dick," Ultraman begins to mock Jirass/Godzilla and bait him into a brutal fight where Ultraman rips the fin off of Jirass/Godzilla's neck.

TORO!

Ultraman has never mocked an enemy before like this. After this savage mutilation, Ultraman holds up the bloody fin and begins to tease Jirass/Godzilla with the severed neck guard like a bull fighter mocks the bull.

HA-HA

 Now the subtext seems clear. Without the fin, this monster is absolutely meant to be Godzilla. This is Godzilla vs. Ultraman in a battle for kaiju supremacy and the hearts and minds of Japanese and American children.

Uh, no. I'm his long lost half brother. Gourdjilla

This is so meant to be Godzilla that I'm not even going to call him Jirass anymore. In a brazen attempt to unseat Godzilla as the King of the Monsters, Ultraman lands but one well-placed blow to Godzilla's chest, prompting the monster to spit blood from its mouth and then fall to the ground -- instantly dead!

Hey kids, Godzilla's a pussy! Buy more Ultraman toys!

In an episode full of uncharacteristically weird twists, the music becomes sad and solemn rather than victorious. Ultraman drapes the torn collar over Godzilla's head as if covering its corpse in a burial shroud. Ultraman kneels before his fallen foe in an atypical show of remorse and respect. What is going on?

Wait, I'm not dead yet. It was just a flesh wound!

Somehow, Nikaido lives and manages to crawl toward his dead monster before also succumbing to death. The episode ends, ponderously, on the dead body of Godzilla. A still image of Godzilla's dead stare goes up in flames.

After appearing as a guest star, Godzilla went back
to his own movies where he was treated with more respect

There's so much off about this episode of Ultraman, where do I begin? The villain's motives and back story make no sense, and the episode is choppily edited and visually confusing. Then, in the last act of the episode, Ultraman takes a turn for the self-aware in a monster battle that is clearly meant to show kids that Ultraman is better than Godzilla. Why else would the Jirass costume be so similar to Godzilla? At first, this episode seems like an awkward attempt by Tsuburaya Productions to besmirch Godzilla's status as Japan's most famous Kaiju. At the same time, it is also a fairly accurate prediction about the fall of Godzilla that would begin in 1966. After Destroy All Monsters, Godzilla movies took a turn for the worse. The Japanese movie industry was beginning to decline, and audiences weren't turning out for Godzilla movies in the numbers they used to. In part, the proliferation of monster shows on Japanese TV such as Ultraman diverted viewers away from theatres. Therefore, while Ultraman never replaced Godzilla as the most iconic monster in Japan and the world, Ultraman certainly helped knock Toho's Godzilla franchise down several pegs by siphoning away its audience.

In short, "The Mysterious Dinosaur Base" is not a good episode. It's choppy, confusing, and poorly written. However, as a metaphor for the supplanting of Japanese monster movies (like Godzilla) with Japanese monster TV shows (like Ultraman), "The Mysterious Dinosaur Base" is a uniquely self-aware and somewhat honest look into the Japanese kaiju power play that was being acted out in the late 1960s.

ULTRAMAN MONDAYS: Operation Electric Stone Fire

Every Monday I review an episode from the classic Ultraman television series.



Episode 09: "Operation Electric Stone Fire" (catch up on past episodes) 
Original Air Date: September 11, 1966

Featured Monster: Gabora

Synopsis 

While towns try to rebuild after a devastating storm, the reconstruction efforts are put in jeopardy by the appearance of a giant uranium-eating monster.


Review

After last week's amazing monster-palooza episode "Monster Lawless Zone," this week's episode seems very thin and boring by comparison. Lacking in tension and plot, "Operation Electric Stone Fire" is about as run-of-the-mill as you can get with Ultraman.

The episode begins after a typhoon has devestated an island community that is home to a youth camp. Were red fedoras popular in Japan in 1966? Because every kid, even Hoshino (the Science Patrol's kid partner), seems to wear one. What's up with that? Anyway, the youth camp has been cut off from food supplies by the storm, so two of the older kid strike out on their own to try and make it to town for supplies.

Perhaps if the Hitler Youth had worn red caps they'd be more fondly remembered.

Meanwhile, the Science Patrol is sitting on their asses looking smug and doing nothing. I guess devestating storms are really nothing to bat an eye at when you routinely encounter giant atomic monsters and creatures from space each week. Even still, you'd think Science Patrol would offer to extend the use of their high-tech ships, submarines, and other technology to the reconstruction or search and rescue efforts, but no. They're just having a lazy, rainy afternoon. Even the annoying Hoshino is more productive.

Massive storm? Pffft! Call us when it's a guy in a rubber monster suit.

Soon after the storm passes, Science Patrol finds a reason to get moving when a giant four-legged monster with a conical head emerges from the ground. It's Gabora, the locals shout and then run for cover as the monster shakes itself free of the dirt and tromps into the countryside.

If the Japanese did Tremors

Gabora seems to be a household name in these parts. The locals know it and the Science Patrol know it. They speak as if its common knowledge that Gabora is an atomic monster that shoots uranium beams. Logically, Gabora also eats uranium. The absence of mystery surrounding the creature really sucks the life out of this episode.

Never shoot Gabora from his bad side.

Gabora is prevented from entering some of the towns by blasting him with fire, but to truly lure Gabora away from the population, Hayata (who is secretly the giant alien superhero Ultraman) must pilot a helicopter and dangle a capsule of uranimum as bait. Hoshino and Fuji stow away for this dangerous mission, but one false move and they'll all be fried by Gabora's uranium beam.

Look ma, I'm bloomin'!

Gabora tries to take down the helicopter with his uranium beam, but to fire it he must open the shielded plating that covers his head in a cone. Like a blossoming flower opening to bloom, Gabora's head shield folds open to reveal that Gabora's costume is simply a re-use of the Neronga costume. I recognize those teeth anywhere!

Gabora eats uranium and shoots uranium beams. Does that mean I can shoot hamburger beams?

Unfortunately, Hayata manages to lure Gabora right into the path of the two youth campers who have become lost in the woods on their trek to find food for the rest of the campers. Hayata lands the plane so Fuji and Hoshino can help the kids, but once he takes to the air again he encounters a pissed-off and hungry Gabora. Without warning, Gabora rears up on his hind legs and bitch-slaps Hayata's chopper right out of the sky! As often happens, Hayata survives what would normally be certain death. Ejeted from the wreckage, Gabora manages to grab the Beta capsule and transforms into Ultraman!

It takes two to tango, baby

The battle that follows is quite energetic, with Ultraman landing blows to Gabora's face, riding him like a $2 bucking bronco, and then ripping off several of Gabora's face shields

The Shriek of the Mutilated

Perhaps from the trauma of being viciously mutilated, Gabora finally falls to the ground. The light literally goes out of his eyes, telling us that this week's disposable monster is dead! The fight was extremely quick and Gabora didn't seem to pose much of a threat to Ultraman. All in all, the energy was high, but the monster battle was unsatisfying.

Hayata embarrasses himself in front of the children

With the fedora-loving camper kids rescuted, the Science Patrol helps deliever food to the rest of the stranded campers. Before they leave, Hayata is confronted by the two kids he helped save. They voice their concern for him then say what we're all thinking: "How the hell did you survive?" Hayata, ever the smooth customer, makes a silly face, puffs out his chest, and brushes the whole thing off as no big deal. Take a tip from Clark Kent, Hayata. Don't play up your strength if you're trying to hide your identity as a giant alien superhero.


So, those were the life and times of Gabora. The plot was thin and there was no mystery or suspense, but at least the pace was quick and the episode didn't drag.

I can't say the same thing for next week's episode: "The Mysterious Dinosaur Base." Come back next week for ULTRAMAN MONDAYS as we look at one of the strangest, most surreal, and utterly perplexing episodes of Ultraman yet!

ULTRAMAN MONDAYS: Monster Lawless Zone

Every Monday I review an episode from the classic Ultraman television series.



Episode 08: "Monster Lawless Zone" (catch up on past episodes) 
Original Air Date: September 04, 1966

Featured Monsters: Red King, Pigmon, Magular, Chandrah, and Suflan

Synopsis 

The Science Patrol attempt to rescue four lost meteorologists on an island but find themselves smack-dab in the middle of a feral land of ferocious monsters and deadly plants. 

Review

This is the Ultraman episode I've been waiting for. It has almost everything I've been looking for in Ultra-entertainment: multiple monsters for the price of one, creative monster suits, bloody monster carnage, fire, little comic relief from Ide, and - best of all - no annoying Japanese kids! Except for the fact that the whole episode takes place on a boring, rock-filled island instead of a miniature Japanese city, "Monster Lawless Zone" may just be the best episode of Ultraman yet!

Let's get ready to rumble!

The episodes begin with a brief prologue explaining that four researchers were sent to Tatara Island to reopen an observatory that had been previously shut down when the island was rendered uninhabitable because of severe volcanic eruptions. A week after returning to Tatara, the scientists have gone missing. The Science Patrol is sent in to investigate, and it becomes clear why the researchers haven't been checking in. The whole damn island is infested with giant fucking monsters! The episode doesn't wait to throw us right into the action. Once the Science Patrol team arrives, we're introduced to two of the five (yes, five!) monsters of the week.

In the left corner, weighing in at 15,000 tons, is the bat-like creature Chandrah! His opponent, the beast with the biceps, weighing in at 20,000 tons, is the saurian-shaped Red King! Both creatures are engaged in a ferocious battle. Chandrah is already wounded and bleeding from the leg while Red King grapples with the bat-creature and hurls boulders at it.

I vant to suck your blood!

Chandrah draws second blood with a penetrating bite through Red King's scales. As far as violence goes in Ultraman, "Monster Lawless Zone" has thus far proven to be the most bloody. Red King pays back Chandrah tenfold by viciously tearing off Chandrah's right wing/arm. As Chandrah nurses a bloody stump and stumbles away in defeat, Red King showboats and hurls rocks at the retreating monster.

The budget for the new Tremors sequel really took a dive

At the same time, we're introduced to a third monster -- Magular -- which burrows up from the rocks to watch the battle ensure. If the monsters on Tatara Island are this big and violent, the Science Patrol shouldn't hold out too much hope of finding survivors from the research party. Cap, the leader of the Science Patrol, mentions that there are still plenty of caves for the humans to hide, so they can't risk engaging and enraging the monsters when there's still a slim chance the scientists may still be alive in hiding. Avoiding Red King, the Science Patrol parks their Jet VTOL on the island and splits up into teams to find the missing researchers.

This is another vine mess you've got yourself into, Ide

Ide, Arashi, and Fuji (who is finally allowed to leave the command center for a mission), head into the forests where they encounter Sulfan, a species of deadly plant. Ide and Fuji are captured by animated vines. Arashi torches the vines with his Spidergun to free his team members from the vegetation's deadly grasp. Not all the monsters on Tatara are nasty, however. Ide, Arashi, and Fuji discover that friendly, child-sized small monster called Pigmon has been secretly helping to lead them to the survivors by leaving a trail of the survivors' personal items and clothes.

I don't care if it's friendly. Kill it. Kill it with fire!

Pigmon is a creepy-looking little sucker. His body is sprouting in red, kelp-like leaves and his stubby arms end in long fingers that never, ever, stop twitching, Pigmon hops around on white chicken legs like a hyperactive toad. In the cute department, he's not ET. To track the short Pigmon through the tall grass and ground vegetation, Ide uses the a balloon gun -- the most ridiculous weapon yet -- to tag Pigmon so they can always see where he is.

Can't decide if he's in the mood to rock or roll.

While Ide, Arashi, and Fuji are having fun playing balloon tag in the forest with Pigmon, Cap and Hayata (who is secretly Ultraman) face certain death on the rocky slopes of the island. They run across the ornery monster Magular blocking their path, so they attempt to destroy it with Napalm Bombs. Suddenly, Magular swipes Hayata with his tail, sending Hayata tumbling down into a rocky ravine to what surely must be his death based on the depth of the fall and the number of spine-crunching times his body slams into the rocks. Is this the end of Ultraman?

We've replaced Hayata with a cash dummy. Let's see if anyone notices.

Despite the fall, Hayata manages to survive. He's not the only miraculous survivor on Tatara. Following Pigmon, Ide, Arashi, and Fuji find the lone survivor from the research team: Mr. Matsui. They revive Matsui, and he tells them that everyone else is dead, victims of Tatara island which is truly a monster lawless zone.

"Great, I'm being saved by the Clown Patrol"

And they aren't out of danger yet! Red King soon appears and makes his way towards Matsui and the Science Patrol. The team manages to get through the radio interference to request help from Cap and Hayata, but Hayata sends Cap ahead. While everyone else cowers, the brave and butt-ugly Pigmon stands up to Red King. This noble, diminutive creature summons up a courage and a strength that rivals that of bigger and more attractive monsters. He's a shining example of the power of heart, determination, and courage. Then he dies under an avalanche and is forgotten.

The Lonely Death of Pigmon

Waiting for Cap to arrive, the Science Patrol unleashes a barrage of laser fire on Red King, actually setting fire to his body, but Red King is too large to be significantly damaged. With Cap gone, Hayata is able to retrieve the Beta capsule that transforms him into his secret identity: the giant alien superhero Ultraman. In a flash, Ultraman arrives to save the day, although he's too late for Pigmon. But no one cares about Pigmon.

"Doctor, my joints feel on fire."

Red King is a great looking monster. With his pinhead, long neck, and bulging arms, he looks like a cross between the Michelin Man and a dinosaur circus freak. The actor in the suit gives Red King an incredible amount of personality and expressiveness. I can see why Red King has become one of the most popular monsters in the Ultra series. Unfortunately, this Red King is not even close to a match for Ultraman. Ultraman tosses Red King around like a wet rag doll.

"Why you little...."

Red King is punched, kicked, body slammed, choked, and slapped around without landing one blow on Ultraman. Even more insulting for Red King, Ultraman is able to completely defeat Red King before running low on energy like he does in battle against every other monster. After last week's battle with Antlar, in which Ultraman was unable to defeat the monster, it looks like Ultraman is overcompensating here by putting Red King through one hell of a kaiju ass-whooping.

Hey, I called time out!

With all the monsters dead or defeated, the Science Patrol and Mr. Matsui gather around the graves of the fallen scientists to pontificate on life. But wait a minute. I only see three grave markers there. Where's Pigmon's memorial? Pigmon literally saved Matsui's life. Those cold, heartless bastards.

Pigmon: Gone and completely forgotten

"Monster Lawless Zone" was a welcome surprise. With five creative monsters for the price of one, a straight-forward action plot, and a high-energy final battle, what more could I ask for? True, the episode would have been better had there been some miniatures to smash, but the unexpected level of monster mayhem in this week's episode more than makes up for the banal setting. "Monster Lawless Zone" is certainly one of the best and most legendary episodes of the original Ultraman series.

Can next week's episode even hope to compete? Come back next week for more monsters and sci-fi goofiness in another installment of ULTRAMAN MONDAYS!